flame

Out of nowhere, I was reminded of the hymn “Rescue the Perishing.” So I looked it up and sang it.

While singing it, I was aware of how much I miss the little things about my home church… like the way the songs sounded in that little room, with the pounding piano, Miss so-and-so’s shrill harmony, that Mr. singing off-key in such a low voice that nobody minded, and the general spurts of intensity followed by murmuring and trying to re-locate one’s place on the page.

I wish I’d marinated in it more while I had the chance. Because that era of my life is truly over and never coming back.

I wanted to put this on Facebook, but I decided to put it on tumblr instead because fewer people will see it and judge me for being “such a Christian.”

Today I visited a Hindu temple, a Buddhist temple, and a mosque. And it was so, so, so interesting. My brain is stimulated; ideas are flowing.

But my soul is broken. My heart is rent.

Did you see what I just wrote? I was serious. My heart. Is. Rent. Today was so much fun, but I’m not altogether positive what is holding back my deluge of tears. The memories of today drizzle over me… and while I wish I could smile, I’m more haunted than anything.

Is this what the Israelites felt like? I hope so. How could they not? God, I’m so grateful that I know you. But I’m just sitting here, feeling… crushed.

Is it just me? I’m really broken right now. And in a way, I’ve gotten used to feeling that way. I’m broken every time I really pay attention to the people I pass on the sidewalk, on the street, flying past me in their cars. I’m broken every time I realize that eternity may mean something completely different for me than it will mean to the person I just looked straight in the eyes. But today… today, I saw so many people who get that, and they’re trying. Who are desperate. Who are so close, but yet so far. And many of which will never bridge that gap.

The Great Commission. That’s it. That’s all I can say. I have no more words. I just… I can’t. Good night.

Before I commence, I will say that what I’ve written applies to me, too.

But seriously. What is this?

Everyone wants to “be real” until someone’s “real” with them.

We flippantly say, “You can dish it out, but you can’t take it.” But honestly, I think this is likely the worst problem in the body of Christ. I really do. In any other aspect of life, refusal to consider both positive and negative feedback is considered a major growth-stunter. Our spiritual lives are no exception.

Of course, we have to have tact when confronting one another in love about something that needs to be addressed. But speaking in love shouldn’t mean that you need to drizzle four pounds of caramel over every brussels sprout. Rebuke hurts. You can’t always blame that on the messenger. The “you didn’t speak in love” card is often a disguise for, “Who does ___ think s/he is?”

In my own life, I’ve often used the “speak in love” card as a salve for my feelings. And the truth of the matter is, yes, being confronted hurts your feelings. It really does. And that’s pretty normal. The problem is, the first thing we go to to make ourselves feel better is pride, because we want to justify ourselves, after which we perceive that we’ve been wronged and we react in anger.

I’ve had to examine what is at the core of my inability to accept critique without becoming angry or obsessed. And yeah, there’s real pain there. Those hurt feelings often touch on deeper, more painful issues. I don’t want to minimize that whatsoever. But I’ve learned that when you start to work through those issues and  in the meantime make a decision to lay pride aside and accept the gift of feedback…

… and when you know how to offer honest positive and negative feedback to others from a genuine and loving place in your heart (and the desire to edify others)…

… you grow exponentially in your own personal life, and you grow closer with the people in your community. When we enter Christian fellowship with the motivation of edifying one another and being edified, beautiful things happen.

Toughen up, soldiers. We need to toughen up. Perhaps if we were more open and honest with each other all the time, it wouldn’t take so much of a toll on us.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9113394/Killing-babies-no-different-from-abortion-experts-say.html

Yeah. I’m shocked. Not.

I’m going to begin and end this post by saying, “I love you.”

I love you. 

I hope this won’t come across too angry. But where has everyone been? I’m a little annoyed that so many Christians are forwarding and posting this link around, shocked, up in arms, indignant. If they paid any real attention to the issue, this story would be the oldest news in the book. 

We should have been able to tell a LONG time ago that this was abortion’s logical end. What, did we honestly want to believe that human beings have enough sense to stop “logical ends” before they go too far? History hasn’t taught us otherwise, yet?

Influential and intelligent people (remember Peter Singer?) have been promoting this idea for years. It’s not new.

The question never truly was about whether or not killing a fetus is murder. The question was about whether or not we were going to be consistent, and would that consistency result in life for the unborn or death for the born?

News flash: The latter hasn’t been shocking for quite some time.

How I wish we as Christians would be a little more acute. Honestly.

I love you. Goodbye.

I remember this trilogy from when I was a child. The artwork haunted me. It still does, in a good way. The next time I get paid, I think I’m going to buy this book for myself.

http://www.sundaysolutions.com/talesoftheresistance.html

( two of my favorites, though the computer doesn’t do them justice)

It’s a little alarming when your little siblings’ friends’ little siblings start visiting colleges.

Some people can’t stand to make an irrational decision. Sometimes that morphs into demanding God to “prove Himself,” which is a whole other issue; sometimes, it is simply wise stewardship of the brains God has given us.

The problem comes when you trust you brain for salvation, rather than Christ. That’s when people end up apostate; because the next person who drives up in a white van and waves philosophical candy in front of your face will have your full attention.

My throat tightens every time I think about how something so unnatural became the most natural thing in the world.